The Crazy Wiki Family
Series: Rainwillow's Short Stories
Allegiances: The Crazy Wiki Family Allegiances
|Read the story about this crazy Wiki family....in cat form!|
"Mommy!" wailed Splashpelt.
"What is it?" asked Icestorm lazily.
"Rainlegs pushed me!" said Splashpelt.
"Did not!" said Rainlegs.
"Stop!" shouted Icestorm angrily.
Splashpelt and Rainlegs glared at each other, each holding a plastic spork in their hands, ready to fight.
Rainwillow gazed at them with wide brown eyes from her bed, holding onto her teddy bear tightly.
"What's wrong?" asked Cloudskye, walking in.
"Aunt Cloudskye!" wailed Rainlegs, running towards her aunt. "Splashpelt accused me of pushing her."
Icestorm sighed, wishing for the hundredth time today that Lavastorm wasn't on the trip to New York.
Rainwillow frowned at her sisters. "You two argue so much," she said.
Icestorm shook her head and took both sporks from Splashpelt and Rainlegs.
"That's better," said Icestorm. "Now, hurry up and get dressed, or I won't take you two out today, and you'll be cleaning the whole house while I take Rainwillow out."
Splashpelt jumped out of bed and started looking through her closet. Rainlegs rolled her eyes, wondering why her sister wanted to look her best all the time. Rainwillow ran to her closet and started looking for her clothes.
When they were all dressed, Icestorm looked proudly at her daughters. Splashpelt was wearing a pink shirt with splashes of different colors and short jeans, Rainlegs wore a simple red shirt and jeans, and Rainwillow wore a lavender shirt and skirt.
"Wonderful! You're all dressed!" exclaimed Icestorm. "So, in you go into the kitchen! Breakfast time!"
Atelda grunted from his spot in the living room. He lifted his head and stared at the girls that had been dressed. "Can't ANYONE read a good newspaper?" he grunted, shaking his newspaper in the air.
"Dad," growled Icestorm as she yanked the newspaper from his hand. "Why are you reading about the middle east?"
"It's interesting!" protested Atelda as Icestorm took the newspaper from him and ripped it to shreds.
Icestorm blinked. "OH MY GOD."
"What?" Splashpelt chirped.
"I have the best idea ever," she said, her eyes flickering. "LET'S GET A CAT."
"Lolwut?" Rainwillow asked, jumping from her bed. "You're sayin' we're just going to get out and buy a cat? Just like that?"
"That's exactly what I'm saying," Icestorm told her child. Cloudskye emerged from the dining room. "Eh. More responsibility. Exactly what I'm looking for."
Icestorm flashed her sister a sharp glance and turned to Rainlegs as she spoke. "But...we're cats."
"STFU." Icestorm sharply hushed her daughter. "Let's have breakfast. DAD! MOM!" She turned as Ivyheart padded into the kitchen.
"Waffles. Toast. Eggs. ENJOY." She dumped the food out in front of her family. Like turkeys, they gobbled it down. She even caught a burp from Rainlegs. "Rainlegs. Use your manners," she growled.
Rainlegs flicked an ear. "Sorry!" She nibbled her toast - she had drizzled oil on it because it tasted good. As her family finished up breakfast, Icestorm began jotting down name ideas for the cat.
Cloudskye interrupted. "Why don't we do the shopping first?" she grunted.
Icestorm flashed her sister a sarcastic glare. "Great idea," she growled dryly. "C'MON! What are you idiots waiting for?" Her family paused, genuinely puzzled. Icestorm sighed as she rolled her eyes and tumbled down the stairs. "Follow me, you confused old badgers!"
She padded down to the car, while all Rainlegs, Rainwillow, and Splashpelt did was argue about who got the front seat. Icestorm sighed. "I'LL choose!"
She put a finger out and sang, "Eenie, eenie, minie, moe. Catch a tiger by its toe. If she hollers, let, let her go...OH WHY AM I SINGING SHAWTY KINGSTON AND JUSTIN BIEBER? I'm not even sure if I got that first name right. Er. Red. White. Blue. Cats rule." Her finger landed on Splashpelt. "UP YOU GO, IDIOT."
The drive to the shelter was long. Very long. Often, her children pointed out pretty scenery or hobos living on the streets and pointing the middle finger at them. Finally, they reached it. Pretty Paws Shelter. "LOLWUT IS UP WITH THIS NAME," lawled Icestorm as she drunkily padded over to the adoption center. They padded in and looked at the cages.
There was a tortoiseshell kitten that lashed her claws out at them, trying to fit them through the cage. Icestorm snorted with disbelief as a orange tabby tom flung himself on her legs, staring up at Icestorm. "Get off of me, you flea-ridden vermin," she growled. "Hey, what about that one?"
A small gray and white tabby stepped forward, large blue eyes blinking. A lady with luscious brown hair and a pink shirt stepped forward. She had a short skirt on, and socks. "Dude, why'd you overdress today?" asked Rainlegs as she approached the lady, but she ignored Rainlegs and turned her face to Ivyheart, Atelda, Cloudskye, and Icestorm, who were staring at her. "Would you like this one?" she asked. "Her name's Poopface. Sorry, we couldn't name her properly. Er...we could test her if you like."
Icestorm grimaced. "SURE!" The lady held out Poopface and brought her to a corner. "Well...might wanna change her name now," she said, embarrassed.
Icestorm turned to her children. "Names, gaise."
"SAPPHIRE!" the three kids shouted.
Icestorm turned to the lady. "Sapphire it is, girl."
As they tested Sapphire, she turned out to be a perfect match. The family was green, being outgoing and active, and so was Sapphire. Icestorm had filled out the adoption applications, and they were assigned to pick up Sapphire in two days. "Let's go shopping," she said.
"DANCING IN THE STREETS!" screeched Rainwillow, Splashpelt, Rainlegs, Cloudskye, Ivyheart, Atelda, and Icestorm as they ran into Ugly Paws'. They pulled out carriages and ran into the pet supply store. The kids bounded together, Ivyheart and Atelda went together, and Cloudskye and Icestorm were left. "SO. WHAT WE WAITIN' FOR?" Icestorm yelled at the top of her lungs. "LET'S GO."
The sisters skimmed through the store, picking up kitten food, food bowls, toys, furniture, scratching posts, more toys, and collars. Soon the family met up and they had all their stuff. They payed, and walked out. Icestorm gulped as she sat down in the driver's seat, staring up at the hill that they would have to drive on.
"We're going to have to try," she reminded herself curtly after her family finished putting the things in the back. They all sat down in the car, their weight slowing down the car. Icestorm began to drive slowly up the hill, which started to work until they stopped.
Now they were stuck. Icestorm stared at the mountains. "We're going to have to push!" she said as the kids got out. With all their strength behind their hands, they pushed the car down.
Screaming, Icestorm realized that the car was flying down the hill. "GET IT!" she screeched as her family pelted down the hill.
"Sweet mother of jellybeans!" Rainwillow gasped as the car pushed itself into an ocean.
Icestorm screeched. "MY POOR HERSHY CHOCOLATE BAR!"
And both she and Ivyheart plunged theirselves into the icy cold ocean, while the rest of her lazy family stood at the bank, watching with wide eyes. Icestorm's head popped from the shore and she hissed, "COME ON!"
Her kids and Cloudskye trudged in after her, but Atelda shook his head. "No way, girl." He sat down and read his newspaper.
"Okay. Screw this," huffed Rainwillow as she pulled her sodden body out and shook herself. "I'm listening to All I Want is Everything. Good luck, idiots!" she spat the final words as she put her headphones in her ears. "And plus...why are they called headphones when they're in your ear? Aren't they supposed to be called earphones?"
Icestorm shrieked as both she and Rainlegs were pulled further in the water. She turned, her eyes blazing, as Splashpelt neared them. "God, what's happening?"
A huge gray figure with a white underbelly neared them, small black eyes glittering, huge jaws gaped open. "Hai. By any chance have you seen Burger King floating here?"
"NO!" Rainlegs snapped.
Splashpelt spat. "We're being talked to by a shark! A big...ugly shark!"
The shark stared. "I'm a great white, btw."
"You mean a great ass," mumbled Splashpelt.
"No," snapped the shark.
"Great white!" snorted Rainlegs. "You're as much use as a white crayon!"
He approached Rainlegs, twitching and slowly moving his body back and forth. "THERE'S NO WAY YOU'LL RAPE RAINLEGS," snapped Icestorm as she yanked her daughter away from the shark.
He did the same motion towards Splashpelt, and Icestorm yanked her by the scruff. "No way you'll do it to Splashpelt, either," she growled.
"Just get out," Icestorm instructed as the kids sloped on the bank, panting with the effort of the swim.
Rainwillow continued to listen to All I Want is Everything, and started to hum. Atelda sat besides her, reading his newspaper.
Splashpelt and Rainlegs came up from the river. "Did you have a nice swim?" asked Rainwillow, not bothering to see if her sisters were wet or not.
"No!" snapped Splashpelt. "I had a HORRIBLE swim, I'm soaked and wet, my bangs aren't fluffy, my clothes are now dirty, AND WHY ARE YOU STILL LISTENING TO THAT STUPID MUSIC?" screeched Splashpelt.
Rainwillow glanced up and then started humming again.
Splashpelt yanked the headphones off of Rainwillow and threw it into the river. "Make sure it drowns, white crayon!" called Splashpelt.
"STOP!" screeched Rainwillow. The she-cat jumped into the river, grabbed her headphones, and swam back to the shore.
Rainlegs jaws fell, and she starred at Rainwillow. "You're not wet at all!" she whispered.
"Well DUH!" said Rainwillow. "I'm wearing my plastic-invisible-coat."
"Where can I buy one?" demanded Rainlegs.
"Um, anywhere," said Rainwillow, rolling her eyes as if it was obvious. "Ask Mr. White Crayon if you want. I bet even HE has one."
"I do," said the shark cheerfully.
"HELLO?" shrieked Icestorm suddenly. "Aren't you three gonna pull me and Cloudskye out? We're SOAKING WET here!"
Rainwillow rolled her eyes and turned to the shark. "Get them out," she ordered.
The shark bobbed his head and pushed Icestorm and Cloudskye out of the water.
"Happy?" asked Rainwillow.
"Very," retorted Icestorm. "Come on. Let's go home now."
The family started to walk home, when suddenly they came upon a car rental place. They walked on over and stared up at the cars in awe.
"The car store!" Rainlegs whispered, poking Icestorm. "Let's go get one to rent? Pleeaase?" Rainwillow circled her mother with excitement and waited for a response.
Ivyheart snorted. "Come on, Icey, lets go get one. I see the one I want us to rent," she rasped, pointing at a shiny red convertible Mustang. Back as a kit my mama had one of these babies.
Atelda started to hobble towards the car, muttering an old song from the 50's about a gas station. "Mister Car Dude, we want this one," he said. The dude who worked there gave a brief nod. "Be there one sec," and padded off.
Ivyheart nudged her daughter's kits forward. "I think he said for us to take it! Come on, let's get in!" she yowled. Icestorm jumped in the driver's seat, Cloudskye jumping in next to her in the front. Splashpelt, Rainwillow, and Rainlegs all climbed into the back seats, and Atelda and Ivyheart wobbled into the trunk.
Soon, the two cats in the trunk were sleeping peacefully, and Icestorm floored the gas pedal and they vroomed off, crashing through a glass window like the cool guys do in movies.
Cloudskye screamed and threw her hands up in the air as their car drove up a ramp, and flew in the air for 2 seconds before crashing down.
Atelda, feeling the bump, snorted and woke up for a minute, but went back to sleep.
The three children in the back squealed with delight, as Icestorm turned the corner. Suddenly, Rainy gasped. "Look, a hobo!"
Icestorm stopped the car and parked the car next to the hobo, and Splashpelt, Rainwillow, and Rainlegs got up and out of the Mustang with their cameras. Rainwillow said in her sweet voice, "Can we take a picture with you, pleeeaase?" The hobo hissed, "If you give me a hot dog with mayonaise."
Icestorm shuffled through her purple frilly purse and pulled out a hot dog. Cloudskye pulled some mayonaise out of her pocket and squirted it carelessly onto the hot dog.
The silver tabby patched she-cat handed it to the hobo, and the three young cats posed. With a snap, they had taken their picture, and were back in the car.
"Can I come with you?" the hobo asked. Icestorm sighed. "NO." And with that, they drove off. But the hobo hung on to the back anyway, and they drove home, Splashpelt gleefully holding the picture of the hobo in her paw.
"WE'RE HOME!" screeched Splashpelt as she flung open the door. The white-and-brown she-cat plopped down on the couch as soon as she enterted the house.
"Shut up," said Icestorm, growling. "Go upstairs right now, all of you, and take a bath. I'll be going up there in 5 minutes to check on you guys. NOW MOVE IT!"
Groggily, Splashpelt got up and followed after her sisters.
Atelda and Ivyheart yawned. "We're going upstairs to take a nap."
Cloudskye nodded. "I'll help maussage your back for awhile."
And with that, the three of them went upstairs too.
Icestorm watched them leave and heaved herself up. She walked upstairs, and into her daughters' room.
To her dismay, all three of them were all clean and tucked up under their blankets, fast asleep.
Today was a crazy day, she thought, but, after all, we ARE one crazy wiki family.
And with that, she closed the lights in her daughters' room and shut the dor.